Market Street used to have a glorious office building, but now it stands abandoned, and so the story goes…
It was a dark and stormy fiscal quarter. The CMO was asked to make drastic changes on a horrifically tight turn-around. While the marketing team marketed as much as they could, beasts took over their office, causing missteps, mayhem, and mistakes. With each error, a new beast was born! These are the misguided miscreations that ravaged the office.
Marketing Monster #1: The Department Divider
This monster, content on destruction, divided the Market Street sales and marketing teams—causing them to butt heads. They argued while choosing key accounts and couldn’t compromise on campaign goals, thus leaving grotesque gaps in the sales funnel. The horror!
Marketing Monster #2: The Optimal Vampire
This monstrosity really sucked. The Market Street marketing team’s programs ran short of expectations, and the marketers didn’t analyze what went wrong, reassess A/B test creative, or reallocate spend. Without optimizing, their campaign ran dry. Oh, the humanity!
Marketing Monster #3: The Competitive Clown
This villain made the marketers pay too much attention to their competitor’s messaging, and it showed up in the work. Instead of focusing on differentiation, they became second-rate, copycat versions of their competition. Egads!
Marketing Monster #4: The Proofreading Poltergeist
This menace killed Market Street’s work faster than any other marketing monster with a single, villainous move: a typo. Instead of reading copy backwards, forwards, and upside-down, the team rushed through the proofing process, and their audience rushed away from them. My eyes!
Marketing Monster #5: The Dirty Data Stinker
This beast created a wasteland of horrors with outdated, incomplete, and duplicative data. The marketers, not normalizing, fixing, and removing data, burned through a lot of dollars. Alas, their hard work ended up in the trash. Jeepers!
This tale does not end well, and for now the once glorious building on Market Street is left to decay. Legend has it, these monsters still stalk from office to office, finding new marketers to terrorize. Don’t allow one of these monstrous mistakes step foot into your campaign!
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